Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
