Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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