the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
