If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
sex in a hospital.. check
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
