My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need water and some morals
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
