I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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