Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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