Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
