Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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