you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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