I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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