I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
