Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
