It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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