No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
