i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
