SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
