my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
