I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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