butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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