I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
how drunk are you?
Several
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
