Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
