Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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