this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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