hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
50% drunk capacity currently
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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