Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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