You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
