Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
