Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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