i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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