I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
