forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
