I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
