my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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