so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
