If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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