I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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