Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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