Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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