here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
