my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
