I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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