porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
