My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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