You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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