Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How external is "for external use only"?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
