me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
