My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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