those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
