I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
