If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
