She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk is a universal language darling
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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