I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
