I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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