Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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