Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
