Your face is a jimmy john
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
