I could make wine with my vomit
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
