woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
how drunk are you?
Several
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
