I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
