A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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