the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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