the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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