tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
