Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
