I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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