I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
