I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
