ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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