Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
