I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
