Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
