he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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