it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
