I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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