I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
