She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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