I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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