Swine flu. Run for my life!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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