I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
