all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
