A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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