theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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