Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
