I just saw a hot homeless man
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
