are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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